July 1 me, Anita and Samantha left Ohio. Me and Anita were going to California to Malibu Bech to photograph and make money. I had bad feeling about it and had doubts it would work, but we both were exetremely excited and happy for new adventure.

From the first day of road all our plan, or I would say Anita's were falling apart. The front tire started to make weird sounds somewhere in Kentucky... it appered we get nail in tire. The road to Memphis took 16 hours instead of 12, and i was really worried because Anita was partying all night before and slept only 1 hour and she refused to let Samantha to drive. We got into the fight.

July 2. We got to Memphis at 2 am. After sleeping in the tent, were Anita sqeezed both of us) we had wonderful breakfest downtown. We were driving on highway when our Oldsmobile 95 started overheat... thus we spent 3 hours in autoshop. In couple hours Anita saw smoke coming from our car in the mirrir. Saturday afternoon before July 4, 55 interstate, mississippi - 3 of us standing on the edge of road and have no clue what to do - should we drive slowly to new orleans with smoking engine? should we try to get to autoshop? what the fuck should we do?  we stopped police car - they found someone who could tow car to autoshop. That guy said it would cost 160$ - in 5 days we discovered he charged 250... which was very significant as far we were kind a broke.

July 2. Exit 18, insterstate 55. Cheap motel and no plan how to get out from McComb Mississippi. We had boubon in the only bar around and bought some beer in the gas station. I guess all of us were so frustrated with broke in McComb... that get drunk, listen to Bob Marley, dance and accept failure of plan was right dessision. I was really annoyed by situation, I talked to Alan on skype and he wrote to his friends in New Orleans.  

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I hated her that week!!! I just wanted to be alone in the world where Anita does not exist. Her destructive and dark energy filled out everything around her, was poisaning me. I could not think about anything only her... her behavior. She stayed all time in 1 bed room apartment 3 of us leaving in, she was dreaming about go back to ohio and wait for her zulu-man. she had no money, no work... who knows what was going on in her head. she said she was thinking about death a lot.

we smoked weed on the French quarter full of police. too long stressed out, bored, uncomfortable and lonely in crowded apartment. we were walking back home, when she hold my hand and said that she used to walk home with closed eyes holding her boyfriend hand... she closed her eyes... I think I never feel more uncomfortable and annoyed. I wonder why - because I did not take responsbilities, because I dont love her or because feelings are not mutual? She cant listen to other people, she is exetremely ego-centric,,, she just cant do anything with it. I let her be most of the time.
Sometimes I wonder if she has seance of friendship and two sided interaction... I think when it really comes to important things she just will not give a shit about me.
Sometimes we have really good time together.